We all want to do our best as parents but we all make mistakes along the way. Sometimes we don’t even realize the mistakes we are doing until the damage is done. As a parent, it’s important that your children aren’t afraid of you and want to share their emotions with you. All parents want this but communication is never a simple thing. Are you doing any of the things listed below? If you are, you may be damaging the communication between you and your child.
1) You try to fix everything!
This is a natural response as a parent/guardian. Your child is mid-conversation with you trying to find the right words to express themselves and you cut them off to give them solutions. Although you have their best intentions at heart, when you jump in with solutions it gives off the feeling that you don’t think the other person (your child) is smart enough to come up with a solution on their own. Instead of jumping in mid-way, let your children finish expressing themselves even if this results in them crying. We all need to vent and tears are part of the process. When they are finished expressing their emotions, ask them how they feel they could solve the issue. If they don’t have an answer, give them suggestions and even list the pros and cons of each solution. In this manner, you are putting the final decision in their hands.
2) You aren’t fully present.
Being somewhere physically and being somewhere emotionally are two different things. Life is very fast-paced these days and time doesn’t seem to stop but it is important we find the time to listen fully to our children. That means putting our phones down and stopping whatever we are doing. If you are doing the laundry when they come to you with a problem, stop and make eye contact with them.
3) Judge Judy!
Are you playing judge Judy? If you are, then stop! When your children come to you with their feelings, instead of judging, appreciate that they came to you with their feelings. Your child with handle things differently from you and that doesn’t mean they aren’t on the right path. Your job is to listen not to judge them. If you think they handled something wrongly, ask them questions and let them come to a conclusion. Such as ‘Do you think you handled that well?’ or ‘Would you do anything differently?’
4)Panic mode!
This is the most common out of the mentioned mistakes. Your child tells you a problem and boom you start freaking out and the world is ending. If you freak out over small things your child will realize this and won’t come to you with big news/issues as they will worry that you won’t handle it well. You need to stay cool, calm, and collect! Focus on breathing and focus on what your child is saying. You can freak out once the conversation is done and you are alone with a pillow to scream into!
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