The way we communicate with our kids is fundamental to getting our message through. It is easy to lose your temper and say something you don’t mean or end up arguing back with your child. Don’t feel bad because we have all been there. The problem is when you argue back you are demonstrating to your child that arguing back is the way forward and we obviously don’t want to give that message to our kids. So what phrases can we use to diffuse heated situations and stay calm?
Situation: Your child is raising their voices and getting angry because they want to do something you don’t agree with.
Phrase: I’ll listen to you as soon as your voice is calm and quite like mine.
It is important to stay calm in this situation and do not be roped into yelling back at your child. Get on your knees so you are at eye level with them and let them know that until they calm down, you will not deal with them. Give them space to calm down and let them know that you are open to discussing their problems only if they say calm.
Situation: It’s getting close to lunchtime and your children are getting frustrated and they are whining for lunch.
Phrase: I will serve lunch when you are sitting quietly in your chair.
We all get hangry (that’s a combination between hungry and angry) but children are less likely to control it. They end up getting frustrated and start whining that they are hungry. Obviously, if this is happening often, you could try serving lunch a little earlier but don’t serve it to a child who is teary and angry. First, let them sit in their chair and calm down before eating as otherwise, they will associate that behaviour with getting what they want.
Situation: Your child is playing with their friends or siblings but they aren’t sharing or keep taking their friends/siblings toys.
Phrase: Children who share, get a special snack
Try rewarding your child for their kind behaviour and let them know that you are proud of them for allowing others to play with their toys. Rather than threatening to take their toys away for not sharing, this approach uses positive enforcement and praise.
When trying to calm down a child or change their behaviour, it is important to adopt positive parenting techniques and to not end up raising your voice to overpower theirs.
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